Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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