He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
