I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
