I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
