Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if only i could text you this smell
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
