What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
