so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
