walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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