I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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