The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
