never play flip cup with pint glasses
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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