my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
