I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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