If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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