I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
