i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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