i just had sex bonerless
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize