So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
