i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
