it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
