Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
