Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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