I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
