Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize