I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
