It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
