Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
