I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
