So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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