I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize