Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
