I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
