Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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