I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
