um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
