I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
