doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
