i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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