I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
