You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
