God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
