It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
