Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
