At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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