Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
