i just had sex bonerless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
