had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
