Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
