apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry about my life...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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