What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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