Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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