i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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