I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
