I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
