her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
