Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
