pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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