I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
