the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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