i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
