I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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