careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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