my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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