I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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