Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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