I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
