At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy sore nipples Batman
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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