we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
