Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
