Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
