The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
