he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found a bag of teeth...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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