Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
