that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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