Pregnant stripper...not hot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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