Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
