I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
