I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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