I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
