she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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