I wish my penis had an off switch
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize