Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
