He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you win again, gameday.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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